Boys will be boys because (BWB3)

Of course I am not the first person to be saying this... the facts are known, tried and obviously tested. And even while my experience may be limited, my observations with slight errors are not superficial.
It has been an age since I wrote on my blog, probably over four months and though I hadn't been really thinking too hard about what to write... it finally struck me that my favourite subject... that of the masculine brain hadn't been touched upon. With two brothers at home all the time, a good five male cousins hovering inside and outside home every now and then and some ten-odd male friends (hmm... let me be precise... well yes seven of them currently), I really did not have to think too hard to jot this one down... it struck me, so I wrote, pardon me because I was really really really bored...

Boys will be boys because (Bwb3)

1) They are blind and deaf to the word MESS:
They create MESS, but hell, they don't know what it means, in fact they don't know how it looks like. Their sense of vision is poor to anything related to MESS and when asked to clear "the mess", their sense of hearing mostly fails to respond. This is then followed by absolute collapse of the sense of touch, until they are bribed...

2) They are sensitive to the movies:
Err... by sensitive I don't mean that they get "emotional". Often, the mention of certain films wakes up their otherwise numb senses. For instance, just the mention of the word Rocky, Terminator or Fast and the Furious triggers an adrenalin rush and gets their hearts pounding. (Mind you...They can watch it forever and never get bored).


3) They are vision centric:
I won't get into detailing, but in simple words... their right eye is solely for auto mobiles, while their left is for women. (This is why all the mishaps occur :P).


4) The game is their best friend:
They leave work early, they skip a day of online networking, they switch off their phone, they forget they ever had a girl friend (wow so many sacrifices)... all so that they can slouch on their cushions or beds and watch a game of soccer or cricket.


5) They love cat fights:
I was unaware about this, until one of my guy friends told me how much men love watching two women or for that matter a group of women fight...


6) They flirt, but won't accept it:
"Well, you see... I was just being sweet," is how they put it. Also, very few admit they are one.



7) They take more time to dress:
They spend more time getting ready than women. May be I am talking off hand, out of personal experience, but if you still don't believe me... read this http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1249811/Men-spend-83-minutes-preparing-women-just-79-survey-finds.html


8) They have bloated egos:
Don't even get there. They have massive egos and even if they fake "like they have none," it is not difficult to gauge when you touched where it hurt the most....


9) They are a bag of excuses:
Whether it is a break-up, plugging their no-smoking resolution, drinking alcohol, speeding on the roads or hitting on everything that walks on earth and swims in water :)... just ask men... They find appropriate excuses for everything under the son and won't stop until they believe that it has been bought by us. Often we shut up just because we know it's all gas...


10) Ultimate heart-break kids:
They like and hate with speed and don't realise how many hearts they have left for the universe to mend. The best part is that they don't really care and instead just come up with a very frivolous "she was just too good for me reason" to wash their hands off everything....


11) Nervous in love:
Well, after all those hearts they've broken what do you expect... sometimes they can't even accept the fact that they are in love.


12) They believe that Hot girls can be bitches:
Well, this is what they preach, but this is not what they practise.


13) They get bored after 1 am:
Of course with the whole world sleeping, it is but foolish to expect anything productive enough to do at that time of the night. But don't be surprised if a guy calls you after 1 am saying "hey can we talk, I am bored."


14) They like attention:
So just in case you are angry with them... simply ignore


15) A good conversation could be anything from sex, girls, money, music and physique....
If you've not heard a man speak about either of the five you've not met one yet.


16) A sister can always help
When screwed up, if they are blessed with a sister, they'll turn to her.


P.S. I Was just trying to put two and two together

Seven Ugly Truths of being a 22-year-old girl

1) On work:
Once you are 22 your parents, grandparents, aunties so on and so forth tell you that you must begin to feel more responsible. All of a sudden, you are pushed into working and before you realise work becomes second priority after yourself. Sometimes, you get so frustrated that you begin grumbling to absolute strangers about a bad day at work. The best part is that you believe and behave like you’ve climbed Mount Calvary while everyone knows it is “just an ant hill” that you are struggling to cross. Soon someone will whisper… I am sorry boss you still gotta digest this fact…. Work is just the beginning.
2) Busy bee:
You suddenly become Miss Busy Bee. You want to have fun, but work won’t allow. You try to juggle, but multi-tasking you realise, is not your cup of tea. Everyone hates you for this “busy bee” attitude. Your friends taunt you time and again, your siblings whine about how you have time for friends and work and not for them, your parents grumble about how you have shoved away of all the household responsibilities. This is life darling and nobody is going to understand. Often, if you do manage to get time out, you rather prefer to spend it alone over a book or movie… (Ahaan… I think you now enjoy being busy for the world…really who cares if I am happy).
3) Pep talk from Mommy dearest: BEWARE
This is danger zone. You need to beware especially if the pep talk comes from your mom. Now, that you are 22, she assumes you are in the cradle of marriage. Every time you do anything wrong she is sure to relate it to post marriage situations. For eg. You get up late... mom comes to you… get up sweetheart… what will your in-laws and husband say…. They’ll say that your mom hasn’t even taught you to be up early. Woah… this is not even related but you know the mothers. “When you get married…when you have kids…how to deal with your in-laws”…is how the mommies begin their sentences on most occasions and that too when you haven’t come close to finding yourself prospective in-laws and husbands.
4) Envy:
Girls who are working in offices are envious of girls who have taken to studying instead and vice-versa. It is worst when such two girls are friends because they always end up comparing each others lives and how fortunate the other is. This in reality is envy x envy = envy square. No one is satisfied and “Miss envy” keeps growing and multiplying and trust me “envy” is emotionally draining.
5) Boredom and loneliness
At 22, nothing is going to be or feel like college or school. Lets hang out and Lets chill are words that are best for the bin.
And well… since this is the phase of all work and no play, monotony is bound to get the better of dull Jack. Often, you’d realise that none of your friends have time to spare for you, probably cause they all have suddenly learn to reckon with what I call “their responsibilities.” Sometimes, you just want to talk to someone and you begin dialing numbers of old friends, if you are lucky one of them will pick up, if you aren’t you can sit back and remember the good times you had with you Ex (poor you). If you have a best friend, its worst. You keep calling them until they pick up. After over 50 missed calls, your friend will get back to you saying… “listen get yourself a boyfriend and stop harrowing me.” You get upset with your friend and promise to never call him/her up until your ego quells and you finally give in. Then, you guys behave like nothing happened.
6) Boasting
Hmm… you know you are getting old, so all you have got to do is to boast about the good old days. How much I partied? How much I drank…uff the hangover…simply amazing yaar? And my resemblance to a chimney…. Mindblowing?
For, all you know, amidst all the work all the fun has dissipated. So all you have left is to boast about the good old days. And, for those unfortunate 22-year-olds, who’ve not gone beyond fine wine and dine yet, serves you right. :P Wake up…. Wake up
7) For all the single 22s out there… this one is for you:
If you are 22 and still single, believe me, you are going to be facing some tough time out there. Let me touch upon two most relevant issues:
The Callers: Boys from the past, with whom you’ve least interacted while still in your teens or whom you rather chose to keep an arms distance from, may suddenly start chasing you like hounds. Maybe they see you on Facebook or probably on Orkut… they see your relationship status and realise that you are single. And wow… in no time they’d be running for you telling you how much they loved you in school or college blah blah or how happy you’d have been if you would have been with them instead of being with that “old hag” who left you after washing dirty linen in public.
Probably, they are single and desperate and are expecting similar emotional crap from the opposite sex or May be they really love you and it is high time you figured it out.
What to do now? Safest bet: You are 22 and expected to be wise, learn to handle such situations with utmost maturity or simply play with your relationship status on networking sites. They’ll never figure out.
The Calling: Honestly, nobody cares if you want to be in a relationship or not, but everyone is out there to fix you with someone else. You know such people have this strange sense of what I’d explain as “The Calling,” where they believe that they are God-sent messengers of love and know who you really look good with and all that jazz….
If you talk to other singles of your age or slightly beyond, your friends love to assume that you are upto something fishy. There is incessant teasing and gossip that is bound to happen in the process (please don’t be disheartened). You are going to be the butt of all jokes and uncessary couple-pairing until you find yourself a guy. Worst case is if you happen to fall in love with the person you’ve been teased with, cause your friends and folks are not going to spare themselves the credit. Aww.. look at them, so cute na… you know I brought them together. Aghhhh!!

Keep Smiling and keep dreaming
Jane

Why I will miss MJ?

I was 8-years-old i.e. 1995 when I was first introduced to Michael Jackson. Not that he did not exist before that (infact he was at his prime in '95), but, I simply never found any of his songs appealing until then.
However, my youngest brother, who was hardly two-years-old at the time, took some great liking to his moves. He loved MJ so much that he got my dad buy video cassettes of the making of some of his biggest music videos. So we had the making of Thriller, Moonwalker, Beat it, Bad, Black or White, Man in the mirror and Remember the Time... in less than few weeks in our house and running on our TV like 24/7.
Often, since we had nothing interesting to do, we tagged along on with him, lying on the bed, endlessly watching MJ sing and dance. Thriller for that matter was interesting, it was like watching a Horror Movie.... so we got hooked to it. Within months, the whole family became an MJ fan.... quite late in the day, but, still we did. Our rooms were full with his posters and both my brothers and I would dance like crazy to his songs, miming gibberish (we never learnt the lyrics).
I remember my brother played MJ and me Naomi Cambell... and we danced to remember the time. Over the years, I started respecting his music, with Heal the World, We are the World, You are not alone and Music and Me being my all time favourites.
MJ had a cynical side to him, but his music balanced the uneven. And though we all thought he had gone crazy and detested his obsession for his skin colour, we could never really manage to have a strong opinion about him. For us he was MJ, flawlessly the best the pop industry had ever seen. I love you MJ... your music has made my childhood memories extra-special...RIP

Walking Mumbai's Red-light

It is 11pm. We’ve just had dinner at Café Noorani near Heera Panna and are now making headway to one of the city’s most menacing locales. Arzai (name changed) is with us. He has promised us a slice of Mumbai’s dark side. I am not keen about the visit, in fact I am very sceptical, not because I am not well-protected, but because the red-light is not the most fascinating place to be. When you see people of the same sexes garishly displaying their bodies as if to be objectified only, a bag of mixed emotions surface. There is anger, there is sympathy, there is hatred or there is either absolute ignorance.
We have decided to watch the red-light from inside the car. It is said that the red-light just gets brighter post 9pm and business is at its peak. We first pass by Falkland Road. The narrow pathway greets you with an unpleasant stench and you don’t know from where it is coming. But the smell reeks of filthy sex, small money, poor women and hungry men.
The stench is augmented by the restaurants, which have their pantries outside. Sweaty men are cooking chicken tikkas and naan for the customers who want to have full of everything today (both sex and food). Falkland Road is also lined with three cinema halls of which I remember Roshan Cinema. Right now it is screening “Golden Girl”- A rated.
On either side of the road, there are small buildings each compartmentalised into small rooms. The doors of the ground-floors are opened while the top floors have iron cages, just like the one you find in elevators.
Interestingly, these cages were built in the mid-1900s on the orders of the police. Girls in the red-light would be dragged or molested by pushy men. At the time, prostitution was at its peek, and men would literally line the doors for their turn. The cages were built on the ground and top floors to ensure that these girls remain within their safe havens and not loiter around in the “tolerated areas” and become victims of notoriety. These cages though of not much use today, still stand rusted but strong in these partially dilapidated buildings.
The women here are freely moving for customers. They are approaching men, calling out to them, making sleazy gestures. Most are dressed awkwardly in tight-fitting clothes, lining their stomachs which have developed a bubble with time. If they are wearing sarees, you wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t cover the upper-half of the body. Plunging necklines, red lipstick and heavily powdered – these women are nothing close to being deceptive prostitutes. It is a mix breed, from ages 16 to 60 to limitless frontiers, from the east (Bengal, Bangladesh, Assamese) west (Gujarat), north (Nepalese) and south (Tamilians and Kannadigas).
You know they are commercial sex workers and they have no reservations about it. They flaunt it, regardless of any appreciation. They are the cheapest of the lot (Rs 50 to Rs 500) and they have no qualms about it.
Enter Foras Road, which is on the other side of Falkland Road, and I feel like I have approached a dead end. It is nothing like Falkland Road. Prostitution is close to redundancy here and cane workers and tall buildings line the road instead. However, few metres ahead, the lanes of Kamathipura speak the same language of Brothels. Kamathipura is split into some 14 lanes, each unique with its own story to tell. Some of these however bear the footprints of residential homes today, as several brothels have now shifted base.
The ride was interesting, but Arzai tells us that there is more to come…he speaks of Congress House. Before I begin, let me give you a briefer. Congress House is located in one of the bylanes of Lamington Road near the Grant Road police station.

Once a beehive of India’s freedom fighters, the Congress House which is an enclave of seven buildings is literally surrounded by a mujra complex. Its only sightings with History are the names of the buildings like Sarojini Sadan, Dadabhai Manzil, Jinnah Hall, Congress Restaurant and Beer Bar.

In 1972, Mrs Indira Gandhi the then Prime Minister had set up a Sangeet Academy at Congress House. The Academy was home to members of the Agra community of singers and dancers who organised dance shows for the royals over 300 years ago.

I am sure she did not realise what it was going to be like today. Since the Sangeet Academy is located close to Congress House and because the National party's activities are now dysfunctional, Sangeet Academy has become synonymous to the Congress House.

Arzai also tells me that partymen at the Congress House were fond of song and dance (naach-gaana). So, after their days work, a mujra session would usually be called for late in the night... and women would sing and dance to the tunes of tablas and harmoniums. This is how the place went on to become a mujra complex and also flourished with time.

The ambience of a mujra performance is usually unique in itself. It has mirrored walls, huge chandeliers and brightly lit rooms that are filled with drinkers, who splurge money on girls. Well-depicted in movies, these men shower notes on the girls or gift them with garlands of notes.
Over the years the definition of Mujras has however changed, more due to the taste in music.

I attended one and it was less like a typical Mujra and more like a dance bar -this one is at the Congress House. The entrance has a old board which reads Sangeet Academy. As we enter, we have male and female gazes on us. People stare from floors above and are suspicious about the unregulars around. However, unlike Kamathipura and Falkland Road, the girls are extremely beautiful. Lustrous black hair, milk like skin and designer or expensive sarees…yes, this is not exactly the red-light, this according to Arzai is where mujras or kothas take place. The girls come from Agra, UP and Delhi.
When I attended one of the mujras sessions, the feel of the original Mujra is devastatingly tweaked. There are mirrors, tabla players, a singer and bling-bling lights….all apart but the musicians are stationery, they just sit and watch.

The music comes from blaring speakers and these pretty looking north-Indian damsels dance to the tune of Bollywood remixes. Two guests are sitting in the centre and they have in their hands several bundles of Rs 10 notes.

One of the guests tries his best to get hold of the girl or touch her, but all that he can do is pat her on the waist. He pats her twice on her waist and then gets no more of it. According to Arzai they don’t sleep for a pittance. Each of them make a maximum of Rs 50,000 per day, only by dancing and...wow, I say. The girls remain confined to their homes during the day and only work at night. Their day begins at around 3pm and goes on till 4 am.

Incidentally, they don’t work as prostitutes but naachne wallis instead. If they sleep, it is for the master who feeds them enough so that they don’t shift loyalties. Once they are his, the are salaried.

I move out in 10 minutes. It is not the best performance, but the thumkas, jhatkas and eye expressions can be a treat for any man, both inviting and sensual.

Well, this is some slice. One dark, one light, one monetarily exhausting and the other financially tempting…This is a slice of “red-light” Mumbai

Pic: Courtesy The New York Times

Cartoons that were idiotically boxed in my childhood

Eight years...uhhh...seven..hmm six... no, I think eight is right.
Yes, its been eight years since I sat animatedly to watch cartoons that ran on my idiot box. I must have been 14 and yet I was still obsessed with Tom and Jerry, Flintstones, Jetsons, Scooby Doo. Today, I realise that age is getting on me (22 being close on heals), I try best switch my remote — err..before a midlife crisis — to the POGOs or Cartoon Networks of our times from my daily Sitcoms and news trash, but, to my dissapointment all I get to see is some Japanese cartoons (Shing-chang, Pokemon, Doremon and all that jazz), which I personally feel is NON-SENSICAL TRASH dumped to a lull group of X-BOX and Play-station obsessed kids.

Yes, I do miss some of my favourite cartoons and am sad that none of it is being fed to the present generation and beyond. And so, this overtly magnanimous ego of mine...deflates...refuses to switch to cartoon channels for now, but instead opts for the better option to vent my cartoon woes...Ah...well you know...MY BLOG...My beshtest friend...
So here it goes, the list of my favourite cartoons that were idiotically boxed in my childhood (in no lovable order)

DUCKTALES



Uncle Scrooge McDuck and his three great-nephews Dewey, Huey, Louie were the most loved foursome among my friend circle. We used to love the cartoon to the core and most of my girl and boy friends would specially drop by to my house daily, only to catch up with the next episode together.
The most fascinating element in this Walt Disney production was the GOLD ELEMENT..yes..wait I am getting there... I loved watching Uncle Scrooge swim in his "gold coin-pool" hidden in the circular round locker inside his dollar-signed office building.
Scrooge was probably the richest duck in town, but woah, the greedy uncle wanted more, so the cartoon script was a twist from the Bollywood one-liner... A total paisa dekh tamasha dekh (original being Paisa phek tamasha dekh).
Well, most of the times, the episodes were all about shielding Uncle Scrooge's wealth from the Beagle Boys and the devilishly beautiful Magica De Spell. It was an out an out chase for the "big-bucks".
Uncle Scrooge, who hated his naughty little great-nephews in the begining of every episode and constantly cursed his nephew Donald for making him their foster parent, virtually made them participants in his "save my money game." So, in the end they were one big happy family, saving us kids aka my friends a beautiful smile.

SCOOBY DOO



Scooby doobie Doo WHERE ARE YOU? You got some work to do now.... hmm...I can still sing the song for you. I have fond memories of this cartoon in particular, especially because it was one of mine and my brother Saby's most loved cartoons. We were one of the biggest fans around, probably because its eerie feel and prudish spookiness and the silly ghost-busting brigade i.e. Shaggie and Scooby Doo followed by Freddie (who was always on the driver's seat in the Dream Machine car), the hottie Daphine and Velma (intelligent, smart and daring of the lot), excited our ghostly sensibilities.
I remember Saby play Freddie and me Welma, to add to the romantic touch, my brother's pupply-love would play Daphine. We would re-run the entire show daily after watching it, that was the extent of our craze. It was fun, how we would keep guessing who the real ghost was till the end of the cartoon, though often it was more than obvious. Yes, but Scooby Doo had a standard story line which would end by unmasking the mysterious ghost.
The most adorable characters of them all were Shaggie and Scooby Doo the hungriest of the lot. They would salivate on burgers and ice-creams and the scooby snack ofcourse.
The "Dream Machine" gang would only have to feed scooby snacks to Shaggy and Scooby Doo to persuade them to disguise and confront the ghost face to face.
Somewhere in between we also had Scooby's nephew Scrappy Doo but well he did not fit the bill or for that matter the "Dream Machine team".
This Hanna Barbera production was such a big hit, that the cartoon was followed by two Hollywood movies, one a sequel to the other. There have been several versions of the Scooby Doo cartoon ever since...but none could beat the original. Interestingly, the original run was in 1969, i.e. over FOUR decades ago, but good cartoons die-hard and so has Scooby Doooo..

CAPTAIN PLANET



"With your powers combined, I, am Captain Planet?" Yes, Captain Planet...this is the only action cartoon I never had qualms about watching with the boys. The script goes like this....five ordinary people are gifted with the rings of elemental power Wind, Water, Earth, Fire, Heart by the Earthy Spirit Gaia. These five come from different parts of the world and unite to form the "Planateers" who have been destined to Save Planet Earth.
Individually, their Earthly energies helps keep away the enemy from harming the environment, but, when the enemy overpowers, they combine their energies by placing their rings forward and calling out to our very own CAPTAIN PLANET. And as the song goes, Captain Planet...He's the hero, gonna bring pollution down to zero. However, Captain Planet is weakened when he comes in direct contact with pollutants.
The beautiful Earth Spirit Gaia protects these planateers and regularly briefs them on the next environment-protection assignment while also informing them about the doers of such crime.
Gaia is my favourite, because she was absolutely mystical. The best part about this Ted-Tuner production was that it was fun yet informative at the same time. It helped young kids like me become more environmentally concious.
Yes....The Power is Yours....

TOM AND JERRY



Tom and Jerry nahin dekha to kya dekha. Yes, this cartoon cannot "just" skip your mind. Originally created by William Hanna and Joesph Barbera for MGM Productions, Tom and Jerry is the story of a blue-grey housecat (Tom) and a brown mouse (Jerry). Supposedly living under one roof, Tom and Jerry replicate the real-life enemity between mice and cats. But what it offers, is out and out non-sensical, hysterical, power-packed comical violence dramatically toned with endless battles and chases. The mouse triggers, the cat is triggered and the never-ending chase continues...unfortunately poor Tom never manages to catch the menacing Jerry. In one or two of the cartoons they patch up and vow friendship only to become fierce enemies in the next. Interestingly, Tom also dies is more than three of the cartoon shows, but, again, he never really dies, he comes back to haunt lil Jerry.
All cartoons however run high and dry without other characters who help make it big, Spike (the bulldog) and his sone Tyke, Quacker, Mammy two shoes (the African American housemaid - known for kicking Tom out of home often), Nibbles (the little orphan mouse), the gold-fish are some of these.
My favourite cartoon from among the series is The Night before Christmas.
I AM A LUCKY ONE THOUGH, I don't need cartoon channels to view re-runs, I have my prized Tom and Jerry video cassette-collection, which I turn to whenever I need to lift my mood. And don't be suprised....the first Tom and Jerry Cartoon was screened in 1940...and the series alone have one seven Academy awards. So, you know that no one outgrows watching the cartoon, and no other cartoon has been able to beat the Cat-Mouse duo.

OK... I LOVED MANY MORE, BUT THESE WERE FOUR OF MY FAVOURITE. I have decided to pen only this much before you get bored any further. But, I cannot do without mentioning them, so here it is
Johnny Quest, Flintstones, Richie Rich, The Jetsons, Tale Spin, Swat Cats, Alladin, The Little Mermaid, Pink Panther, Popeye, The Perils of Penelope Pistop, Top Cat, Cat Dog, Courage the Cowardly Dog... I think this should suffice, Poor little kiddies are missing so much these days