Train Travel Tales

It isn't normal. The train is 20 minutes late and though the delay doesn't really hurt me much, it is worrisome. On any given weekday, local trains arrive at a rapid and unchanging frequency of four to five minutes on Platform No 1. Since my presence in the office is warranted by 4.30, catching the 4.11 train or anything before that is but imminent. However, today as I said, wasn't a normal day. 

I left home late (was just too engrossed making the "saltiest" chicken curry ever cooked in the kitchen of my house), and didn't show up at the station before 4.25 pm, only to learn that platform 1, which is otherwise barren during early evenings, was teeming with people. The next train as the sign board read was running late by 13 minutes. I walked down the north-end of the platform, seemingly excited at the prospect of reading a gifted novel The Far Pavilions peacefully for at least a good 10 minutes at the station (you can call it scuttling time for a book amidst my 'work, sleep and eat' schedule). 

I stopped at the ladies compartment section of the platform and opened the book, less in anticipation of the train and more in the hurry to read a good number of pages of the book. Like often, I remained unaware to people pushing me because my eyes were too focussed on deciphering lines in the book. I had a read some 10 pages, when the fact of being at the station-waiting for a train-heading for work suddenly dawned upon me. I looked up to find a  large group of women encircling me. It had been 20 minutes, and there was no sign of a train yet. A good four trains could have halted at the platform in the span of 20 minutes, this only meant that the next train would have to accommodate passengers of the four trains, which were seemingly cancelled due to some work on the tracks.  To our relief, we finally saw a train approach the platform. 

People on my end of the platform looked like they were gearing up for a baton relay. One leg forward, hands tightly-gripped, bodies ready to face the daunting pressure of commuter rush that would lunge them forward towards the train gates. At the ladies section, women in sarees almost unconsciously brought their palloos in front and lifted the fall of their sarees, to gallantly stride into the train compartments. I for once sensed the need to close the book and instead take the train, for want of time and to save myself the embarrassment of reaching work after our daily edit meeting. 

But for a brief second, I was reminded of the scene from  Bend it Like Beckham, where Parminder Nagra 'Jess' shudders as she witnesses her team-mates and opponents lined up some distance from the net, pushing each other, moving left then right, in anticipation of the ball, which Nagra would soon kick towards the goal. (The ball being the train and the team being the commuters, there is no Nagra like character right now, unless you mistakingly thought I was referring to myself).  

As the train halted, I noticed it was already packed with commuters from the previous station. I switched my mind for a second or two all set to push myself into the compartment (Oh! I could be Nagra here, like when she shuts her eyes to kick the ball. Finally, I can claim to be a significant character, but we are drifting). 

I don't know how I got in, but I did. And as soon as I entered the compartment, I tethered myself to one end of the door and locked the fingers of my right hand to the handle above my head. The women behind me tried their best to push me hard and prod me to go ahead, but I refused. I remained stiff, and moved my left hand inside to place the 1000-page fat book, which was also struggling for space, behind the curve of my back. The position seemed a comfortable one, but only for 30 seconds. Soon, my hands started aching.  

Women of all ages however continued to flow in with each station. 


The compartment reeked of a concoction of talcum powder, the queasy smell of sweaty underarms, assorted deodorants, food etc. Not to mention the noise pollution. Somewhere in the background I could hear two women fight, one of whom kept repeating the typical Bollywood line the girl uses before a rape scene, chodo mujhe, chodo mujhe  (leave me, leave me). Amused, I turned my head towards the scene of action, to witness the "chodo muje girl" being incessantly thrashed and abused by a frustrated 50-year-old woman. Few others were attempting a rescue, even though they were unable to move their hands, due to the lack of space. 
Apparently, the chodo mujhe girl had stamped the frustrated 50's leg. She not only refused to apologise, but snubbed her instead. Well, the 50-year-old's wrath was only in the offing. 


Worst was the young 20-something girl on my right. The delicate darling kept making weird noises, which to my ear had some sexual undertones to it. Every time someone unintentionally rubbed against her, due to the jam-packed situation, she gave out a repelling ouch, ufffff, ouch, uhhhhhh, ouch, hmmm, ouch. Fortunately, I managed to drag myself to the edge of the gate.   

Why, why, why on earth did I make that salty chicken curry today? I questioned to myself. 

With each station, the explainable urgency to escape the mayhem and chaotic populous of women increased. Four more stations, four more station.... I pleaded to my mind. (The feeling of being in Nagra's shoes now intensified... just this goal, just this goal... again I was drifting)

Just then, to stop me from drifting, I heard a cellphone ring the never-to-be-forgotten Nokia tune (sounds like tananana tananana tananana na). The tune started filling the air, driving me nuts... almost. But worst was when I felt myself being thrown outside the train. Am I going to die now. I turned to my right to see a woman digging inside her bag. The elbow of her hand was constantly hitting my back, throwing me ahead and almost outside the train. I stared at her, for behaving obnoxiously. She apologised, but claimed to have been looking for her cellphone, that was ringing perpetually. "It is an urgent call," she said.

I showed some false concern, and held my hand hard to the pole of the train, so that I wouldn't fall. One more station, one more... I felt more like Nagra now. The monotonous Nokia tune continued. For some strange reason, the woman could not find her cellphone amidst all the unwanted accessories in her bag. Her elbow kept hitting me, while she continued digging for it. "Can you please stop that phone?" I grumbled, audibly. She ignored my mumbling and went on foraging for her phone; this time, however she was careful about not dashing her elbow against me.

Finally, just seconds before the train halted at my station, the woman managed to find  her phone. She showed it off like she had got hold of a world cup trophy or something. The Nokia tune, however kept buzzing. "My phone is switched off," she said, half-amused. I was extremely annoyed. She had kept me at the edge of life and death for almost half the journey and now she claimed that her cellphone was switched off. (The Nokia tune continued in the backdrop) When the train halted, I got down angrily and glared at her for one last time. She put her head down in embarrassment.  

In no time, the train whizzed pass the station. I scampered up the flight of stairs, towards the taxi stand below the bridge. I was already half-and-hour late to work. In the taxi, I was mulling about how I had come out alive, when I heard the Nokia tune again. This time, it was coming from my bag.  

P.S. My brother had changed the ring tone on my cellphone, to get back at me for force feeding him the salty chicken curry. Like I said, Why, why, why on earth did I make that salty chicken curry today? 

One of them is in love with you

They came in regal horses,

Unchallenged, powerful forces,

One a charmer, the other docile,

The third — a visionary, while another secretly vile,

Yet in all their capacities, they still bowed subserviently,

Hiding their gaze nervously,

When she came all dressed in blue,

Who wouldn’t say that one of them wasn’t in love with you…

Then they got down their horses, anticipating a cue,

Hoping she’d step on their ride without much ado,

But they were four and she just one,

She may have chanced to hurt someone,

Yet she chose him, unaccustomed to the possibility,

Which her friend had once asked about worriedly,

What if you soon knew?

That one of them was in love with you…

In the night they all gallantly rode,

For them she was the only connecting node,

None knew how and what she felt,

Lest they hurt their hearts or melt,

But of them, some couldn’t help throw her a stare,

Their hearts not empty and their minds not bare,

In wishful thinking they parried their view,

But we know that one among them was deeply in love with you…

And all of a sudden it started to heavily rain,

So they turned their horses to the shed in the closest by lane,

Hurriedly she hopped down, all drenched and soaked,

And removed from her face, the dark blue cloak,

Jaws dropped, eyes stunned and hearts thumped,

It felt like an apple in someone’s throat had lumped,

But they feared the risk of letting out their view,

It was but obvious that someone was secretly in love with you...

They sat inside, till the rains had stopped,

Spinning tales inside the shed they had now locked,

The charmer spoke of his gaze for other beauties,

The docile mentioned all his pending duties,

The visionary made known few of his ambitious dreams,

And the vile one, coated his wicked plans with cream,

Yet in all this none had asked if it were true,

Whether you knew that one of them was in love with you…

The air still moist, but the lands now dry,

So they planned to leave before the cock crowed its morning cry,

But outside she walked like an impatient tide,

And also refused a horseback ride,

With teary eyes, she waived byes to her handsome knights,

And hugged them in the morning light,

They stared vacantly as she moseyed alone in the forest hue,

Yes, she had fallen in love with all four of you…


Link to the sequel http://janeborges9.blogspot.in/2012/01/one-of-them-is-in-love-with-you-sequel.html

Boys will be boys because (BWB3)

Of course I am not the first person to be saying this... the facts are known, tried and obviously tested. And even while my experience may be limited, my observations with slight errors are not superficial.
It has been an age since I wrote on my blog, probably over four months and though I hadn't been really thinking too hard about what to write... it finally struck me that my favourite subject... that of the masculine brain hadn't been touched upon. With two brothers at home all the time, a good five male cousins hovering inside and outside home every now and then and some ten-odd male friends (hmm... let me be precise... well yes seven of them currently), I really did not have to think too hard to jot this one down... it struck me, so I wrote, pardon me because I was really really really bored...

Boys will be boys because (Bwb3)

1) They are blind and deaf to the word MESS:
They create MESS, but hell, they don't know what it means, in fact they don't know how it looks like. Their sense of vision is poor to anything related to MESS and when asked to clear "the mess", their sense of hearing mostly fails to respond. This is then followed by absolute collapse of the sense of touch, until they are bribed...

2) They are sensitive to the movies:
Err... by sensitive I don't mean that they get "emotional". Often, the mention of certain films wakes up their otherwise numb senses. For instance, just the mention of the word Rocky, Terminator or Fast and the Furious triggers an adrenalin rush and gets their hearts pounding. (Mind you...They can watch it forever and never get bored).


3) They are vision centric:
I won't get into detailing, but in simple words... their right eye is solely for auto mobiles, while their left is for women. (This is why all the mishaps occur :P).


4) The game is their best friend:
They leave work early, they skip a day of online networking, they switch off their phone, they forget they ever had a girl friend (wow so many sacrifices)... all so that they can slouch on their cushions or beds and watch a game of soccer or cricket.


5) They love cat fights:
I was unaware about this, until one of my guy friends told me how much men love watching two women or for that matter a group of women fight...


6) They flirt, but won't accept it:
"Well, you see... I was just being sweet," is how they put it. Also, very few admit they are one.



7) They take more time to dress:
They spend more time getting ready than women. May be I am talking off hand, out of personal experience, but if you still don't believe me... read this http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1249811/Men-spend-83-minutes-preparing-women-just-79-survey-finds.html


8) They have bloated egos:
Don't even get there. They have massive egos and even if they fake "like they have none," it is not difficult to gauge when you touched where it hurt the most....


9) They are a bag of excuses:
Whether it is a break-up, plugging their no-smoking resolution, drinking alcohol, speeding on the roads or hitting on everything that walks on earth and swims in water :)... just ask men... They find appropriate excuses for everything under the son and won't stop until they believe that it has been bought by us. Often we shut up just because we know it's all gas...


10) Ultimate heart-break kids:
They like and hate with speed and don't realise how many hearts they have left for the universe to mend. The best part is that they don't really care and instead just come up with a very frivolous "she was just too good for me reason" to wash their hands off everything....


11) Nervous in love:
Well, after all those hearts they've broken what do you expect... sometimes they can't even accept the fact that they are in love.


12) They believe that Hot girls can be bitches:
Well, this is what they preach, but this is not what they practise.


13) They get bored after 1 am:
Of course with the whole world sleeping, it is but foolish to expect anything productive enough to do at that time of the night. But don't be surprised if a guy calls you after 1 am saying "hey can we talk, I am bored."


14) They like attention:
So just in case you are angry with them... simply ignore


15) A good conversation could be anything from sex, girls, money, music and physique....
If you've not heard a man speak about either of the five you've not met one yet.


16) A sister can always help
When screwed up, if they are blessed with a sister, they'll turn to her.


P.S. I Was just trying to put two and two together

Seven Ugly Truths of being a 22-year-old girl

1) On work:
Once you are 22 your parents, grandparents, aunties so on and so forth tell you that you must begin to feel more responsible. All of a sudden, you are pushed into working and before you realise work becomes second priority after yourself. Sometimes, you get so frustrated that you begin grumbling to absolute strangers about a bad day at work. The best part is that you believe and behave like you’ve climbed Mount Calvary while everyone knows it is “just an ant hill” that you are struggling to cross. Soon someone will whisper… I am sorry boss you still gotta digest this fact…. Work is just the beginning.
2) Busy bee:
You suddenly become Miss Busy Bee. You want to have fun, but work won’t allow. You try to juggle, but multi-tasking you realise, is not your cup of tea. Everyone hates you for this “busy bee” attitude. Your friends taunt you time and again, your siblings whine about how you have time for friends and work and not for them, your parents grumble about how you have shoved away of all the household responsibilities. This is life darling and nobody is going to understand. Often, if you do manage to get time out, you rather prefer to spend it alone over a book or movie… (Ahaan… I think you now enjoy being busy for the world…really who cares if I am happy).
3) Pep talk from Mommy dearest: BEWARE
This is danger zone. You need to beware especially if the pep talk comes from your mom. Now, that you are 22, she assumes you are in the cradle of marriage. Every time you do anything wrong she is sure to relate it to post marriage situations. For eg. You get up late... mom comes to you… get up sweetheart… what will your in-laws and husband say…. They’ll say that your mom hasn’t even taught you to be up early. Woah… this is not even related but you know the mothers. “When you get married…when you have kids…how to deal with your in-laws”…is how the mommies begin their sentences on most occasions and that too when you haven’t come close to finding yourself prospective in-laws and husbands.
4) Envy:
Girls who are working in offices are envious of girls who have taken to studying instead and vice-versa. It is worst when such two girls are friends because they always end up comparing each others lives and how fortunate the other is. This in reality is envy x envy = envy square. No one is satisfied and “Miss envy” keeps growing and multiplying and trust me “envy” is emotionally draining.
5) Boredom and loneliness
At 22, nothing is going to be or feel like college or school. Lets hang out and Lets chill are words that are best for the bin.
And well… since this is the phase of all work and no play, monotony is bound to get the better of dull Jack. Often, you’d realise that none of your friends have time to spare for you, probably cause they all have suddenly learn to reckon with what I call “their responsibilities.” Sometimes, you just want to talk to someone and you begin dialing numbers of old friends, if you are lucky one of them will pick up, if you aren’t you can sit back and remember the good times you had with you Ex (poor you). If you have a best friend, its worst. You keep calling them until they pick up. After over 50 missed calls, your friend will get back to you saying… “listen get yourself a boyfriend and stop harrowing me.” You get upset with your friend and promise to never call him/her up until your ego quells and you finally give in. Then, you guys behave like nothing happened.
6) Boasting
Hmm… you know you are getting old, so all you have got to do is to boast about the good old days. How much I partied? How much I drank…uff the hangover…simply amazing yaar? And my resemblance to a chimney…. Mindblowing?
For, all you know, amidst all the work all the fun has dissipated. So all you have left is to boast about the good old days. And, for those unfortunate 22-year-olds, who’ve not gone beyond fine wine and dine yet, serves you right. :P Wake up…. Wake up
7) For all the single 22s out there… this one is for you:
If you are 22 and still single, believe me, you are going to be facing some tough time out there. Let me touch upon two most relevant issues:
The Callers: Boys from the past, with whom you’ve least interacted while still in your teens or whom you rather chose to keep an arms distance from, may suddenly start chasing you like hounds. Maybe they see you on Facebook or probably on Orkut… they see your relationship status and realise that you are single. And wow… in no time they’d be running for you telling you how much they loved you in school or college blah blah or how happy you’d have been if you would have been with them instead of being with that “old hag” who left you after washing dirty linen in public.
Probably, they are single and desperate and are expecting similar emotional crap from the opposite sex or May be they really love you and it is high time you figured it out.
What to do now? Safest bet: You are 22 and expected to be wise, learn to handle such situations with utmost maturity or simply play with your relationship status on networking sites. They’ll never figure out.
The Calling: Honestly, nobody cares if you want to be in a relationship or not, but everyone is out there to fix you with someone else. You know such people have this strange sense of what I’d explain as “The Calling,” where they believe that they are God-sent messengers of love and know who you really look good with and all that jazz….
If you talk to other singles of your age or slightly beyond, your friends love to assume that you are upto something fishy. There is incessant teasing and gossip that is bound to happen in the process (please don’t be disheartened). You are going to be the butt of all jokes and uncessary couple-pairing until you find yourself a guy. Worst case is if you happen to fall in love with the person you’ve been teased with, cause your friends and folks are not going to spare themselves the credit. Aww.. look at them, so cute na… you know I brought them together. Aghhhh!!

Keep Smiling and keep dreaming
Jane

Why I will miss MJ?

I was 8-years-old i.e. 1995 when I was first introduced to Michael Jackson. Not that he did not exist before that (infact he was at his prime in '95), but, I simply never found any of his songs appealing until then.
However, my youngest brother, who was hardly two-years-old at the time, took some great liking to his moves. He loved MJ so much that he got my dad buy video cassettes of the making of some of his biggest music videos. So we had the making of Thriller, Moonwalker, Beat it, Bad, Black or White, Man in the mirror and Remember the Time... in less than few weeks in our house and running on our TV like 24/7.
Often, since we had nothing interesting to do, we tagged along on with him, lying on the bed, endlessly watching MJ sing and dance. Thriller for that matter was interesting, it was like watching a Horror Movie.... so we got hooked to it. Within months, the whole family became an MJ fan.... quite late in the day, but, still we did. Our rooms were full with his posters and both my brothers and I would dance like crazy to his songs, miming gibberish (we never learnt the lyrics).
I remember my brother played MJ and me Naomi Cambell... and we danced to remember the time. Over the years, I started respecting his music, with Heal the World, We are the World, You are not alone and Music and Me being my all time favourites.
MJ had a cynical side to him, but his music balanced the uneven. And though we all thought he had gone crazy and detested his obsession for his skin colour, we could never really manage to have a strong opinion about him. For us he was MJ, flawlessly the best the pop industry had ever seen. I love you MJ... your music has made my childhood memories extra-special...RIP